Excerpts from, In Search Of A Healing Place

SHP

Tyrone looked around the dingy gray walls of the small space he’d called home for a little over a year now.  He was     quickly discarding the few things he’d taped to his wall that had allowed him to pretend it was a home.  The only thing he kept were the pictures of his daughter Diamond.  The daughter he’d never seen in person but who had remained his single most inspiration to hold on each day.  He’d lived for the letters from his mother that would update him on the antics of his daughter.  Occasionally, he would receive an inspirational note from Cherise.  A short note with scriptures that helped as well.  But it wasn’t from Cherise nor his twin brother Jonathan, that he would get any information about Diamond.

He understood.  Jonathan was raising Diamond as his own daughter and his sister ‘n’ law Cherise probably preferred not to remember how Diamond had been conceived.  He himself wish he hadn’t been the catalyst in that endeavor, at least the way that it played out.  But after seeing his beautiful daughter, he couldn’t feel any regret in the fact that she was here.  He’d had a little over a year to accept the fact that, that one act had cost him the woman of his dreams and the privilege of his daughter calling him dad.  He’d be fortunate to be relegated to the position of uncle and that only by the grace of God and the Christian charity of his sister in law.

Because of her, his sentence for kidnapping had been knocked down to assault and she’d never pressed charges on the rape–acquaintance rape, as his counselor had explained, that he’d forced on her. While he had been imprisoned, he’d taken advantage of the mental health programs made available to him.  Through his regular counseling sessions, he’d learned a lot about himself and had been taught how to recognize what had become a regular, negative voice in his head. He’d started to realize the impulses that made him want to fly against standard mores and being inside had cut him off from his tendency to imbibe substances in what he now knew was an attempt to self-medicate, which had also contributed to his impulsive behavior patterns.

All of these revelations made him come to view his imprisonment as a blessing.  But that had not been the way he’d viewed it upon arriving . Going through his first search, shower and then uniform issuance had scared him in ways he hadn’t imagined  He’d thought he was a tough guy up to that moment in his life where he faced the real deal of what his life imprisoned was going to be like and it was far different from the life of privilege and entitlement that he’d led up until then.

~*~

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